Students vs. Porn (4 of 4)

Tips for parents whose kids are viewing porn:

• Recognize that kids want and need adult guidance about sex.
• Watch out for teachable moments.
• Understand that pornography is not just for boys.
• Use parental controls, especially a filter.  Monitoring software, like X3watch (www.X3watch.com), can help provide accountability in your home. It monitors where your kids go and will send you information on any questionable sites your child visited, via email. Filtering software, like SafeEyes (www.internetsafety.com/xxxchurch) will block pornographic content on your home computer.  SafeEyes also has features for mobile devices.
• Ask your kids if they have ever seen something online that made them uncomfortable or curious.  Ask them if they have accidentally seen sexual pictures online.  If they have seen pornography, ask them how they came across it, what they saw and how it made them feel.  Talk to them about whether their friends are looking at pornography.  Help them to understand that you are here to help.  Do not embarrass or shame them.  If your kids are struggling with this content, they need your support and love to help them through.

Keep in mind these are just tips. I am by no means telling you how to parent your children. I just want to see this breakout of perversion put under control. As always, pray before you confront! 

Students vs. Porn (3 of 4)

Warning Signs That Your Child May Be Viewing Pornography: 

Your child may be viewing pornography if:

• You notice that they are showing signs of premature sexual activity or an unusual curiosity about sexuality.  
• You notice your child using suggestive terms or suddenly dressing more provocatively.  
• There are increased pop-ups, spam messages, viruses, or other inappropriate content on your family computer.
• Your child has erased the computer’s history, if they change the computer screen quickly or become increasingly defensive or secretive, it’s time to have a conversation.

These are just some indications. Porn's effects differ between people's age, gender, etc. Some are better at hiding their secret than others. One common denominator I've found through my studies is that both Christians AND non-Christians alike experience guilt when pornography holds them bondage. I think Paul nailed the reason for guilt on the head when he said:

"Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body." - 1 Corinthians 6:18 NIV

I also like the way the New Living Translation puts it:

"Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body." - 1 Corinthians 6:18 NLT

"No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does."

Think about it. 

Students vs. Porn (2 of 4)

Pornography’s harmful messages

• Pornography negatively impacts the emotional and mental health of a child.  
• A child will often become desensitized and will seek out more deviant, bizarre and even violent content.
• Children struggle to distinguish between the pornography “fantasy” and the reality of authentic, intimate sexual relations.  
• Kids who view pornography will often act out the behaviors they have seen.  
• Pornography often depicts sex without love and commitment and often pushes the limits of what is physically possible.
• Girls and boys who see pornography feel as if they can never measure up and often struggle to perform like the porn stars they have seen online.  
• Images can never be erased.                                                                                                                                                        These facts and statistics remind me of a book I just finished reading this past week about the dangers of pornography. The final chapter details the conversation that took place when Doctor James Dobson interviewed Ted Bundy just 17 hours before he was executed. Ted Bundy became one of the nations most notorious and feared serial killers for beating, raping, and then murdering at least 30 girls and women between 12 and 26. Two things really stuck out to me in this interview:

1. When asked about his childhood, Ted said that he was raised in a healthy, fine, solid, Christian home and was never physically, sexually or emotionally abused.
2. Dr. Dobson asked how it happened. "What are the antecedents of the behavior that we've seen?"  Ted answered "As a young boy of 12 or 13, I encountered, outside the home, in the local grocery and drug stores, softcore pornography. Young boys explore the sideways and byways of their neighborhoods, and in our neighborhood, people would dump the garbage. From time to time we would come across books of harder nature - more graphic. This also included detective magazine, etc., and I want to emphasize this. The most damaging kind of pornography - and I'm talking from hard, real, personal experience - is that that involves violence and sexual violence. The wedding of those two forces - as I know only too well - brings about behavior that is only too terrible to describe."                                                                                                                                      He later goes on to say that "The issue is how this kind of literature contributed and helped mold and shape the kinds of violent behavior. In the beginning, it fuels this kind of thought process. Then, at a certain time, it is instrumental in crystallizing it into something that is almost a separate entity inside." "Once you become addicted to it, you look for more potent, more explicit, more graphic kinds of material. Like an addiction, you keep craving something which is harder and gives you a greater sense of excitement, until you reach the point where the pornography only goes so far - that jumping off point where you begin to think maybe actually doing it will give you that which is just beyond reading about it and looking at it." 

Ted Bundy was executed at 7:15 a.m. the day after this conversation was recorded.

In closing, I think it is very important to point out one more thing - the most important thing:
It does NOT justify his maniacal behavior, but while in Prison, Ted Bundy did accept the forgiveness of Jesus Christ and became a follower and believer in Him. 

For Christ also suffered once for sins, the righteous for the unrighteous, to bring you to God.

- 1 Peter 3:18

Students vs. Porn (1 of 4)

This 4-part blog series is meant for parents with children of all ages. I've seen firsthand the destructive consequences that pornography has on children, teens, and adults today. Over the next 4 days I will be passing along some statistics, facts, advice, and tips of the dangers pornography has on our students.

Pornography
Most parents think their kids are immune to the dangers online… that they are too innocent, too smart or too “good” to get involved with pornography, but ultimately any child could get caught up in pornography use.  The content that kids are accessing today is far more graphic, violent, deviant and destructive than the pornography that you or I may have encountered when we were young, and no child is emotionally or mentally prepared to deal with this content.  It is your responsibility as the parent to protect your children to the best of your ability.

How are kids accessing pornography?

• Internet pornography is free and easy for kids to access and most porn sites have hardcore content on the homepage.
• There is little to no age-verification to prevent a curious child from entering a porn site.
• Pornographers also use a variety of deceptive marketing tactics, so even if your child is not looking for pornography, it’s more likely than not that they can accidentally access pornography through a misspelled word or through clicking on an innocent-looking link.  
• Some pornography is even associated with popular cartoon characters and teen icons, so a child searching for their favorite celebrity may accidentally come across hardcore pornographic content that way.  
• Additionally, we are seeing an increase in the amount of cross-marketing between online gaming and the pornography industry; be aware that mature video games may include virtual pornography, sex acts and other inappropriate content, so always check the game ratings before allowing your kids to play.  
• Kids can also encounter pornography on social networking sites like Twitter and Facebook, where porn stars or individuals with naked pictures of themselves may message or tweet at a teen to get their attention and expose them to pornographic content.  
• Finally, a new market is emerging for mobile pornography; your child could have easy access through their mobile device or through pornographic apps, so check up on their mobile Internet usage.

Regardless of how a kid may have accessed pornography, recognize that all kids are curious about sex, and a simple way for kids to learn more about sex is to go online.  If you aren’t using filters on your computer or your child’s mobile device, chances are, they could learn some pretty upsetting information about sex through online pornography.

Perfect example: about a month ago I was laying on my couch watching TV with my wife Jackie. I was checking my Twitter and had a direct message from someone I didn't know. In this message this person asked a question about my faith and then had a link to click on. So, naturally, I clicked it, and, to my surprise, it was a pornographic site. I immediately showed Jackie so she didn't think I was viewing porn on my phone. I then showed her the message, and we both agreed it looked 100% legitimate and innocent.
Trust me, if this happened to me, then it's happening every single day to millions of students around the world!
The next 3 days I will talk about  Pornography’s harmful messages, Warning Signs, and Parent Tips.
My hope and prayer is that if you are a parent of a child of any age that you'll read these posts each day. Don't worry, the other 3 will be shorter. :-)